A thought post

The other day, an acquaintance shared the following rather offensive (in my opinion) parenting diatribe on facebook. (I'd rather not cite who it was, and since I'm pretty sure all of maybe 5 people read my blog, I highly doubt I'll get busted for plagiarism. So suffice it to say,an anonymous facebook acquaintance of mine posted it from someone else, so I don't even know who wrote it originally).

 Dear Mom On the iPhone,

I see you over there on the bench, messing on your iPhone. It feels good to relax a little while your kids have fun in the sunshine, doesn’t it? You are doing a great job with your kids, you work hard, you teach them manners, have them do their chores.

But Momma, let me tell you what you don’t see right now…..

Your little girl is spinning round and round, making her dress twirl. She is such a little beauty queen already, the sun shining behind her long hair. She keeps glancing your way to see if you are watching her.

You aren’t.

Your little boy keeps shouting, “Mom, MOM watch this!” I see you acknowledge him, barely glancing his way.

He sees that too. His shoulders slump, but only for a moment, as he finds the next cool thing to do.

Now you are pushing your baby in the swing. She loves it! Cooing and smiling with every push. You don’t see her though, do you? Your head is bent, your eyes on your phone as you absently push her swing.

Talk to her. Tell her about the clouds, Mommy. The Creator who made them. Tickle her tummy when she comes near you and enjoy that baby belly laugh that leaves far too quickly.

Put your eyes back on your prize…Your kids.

Show them that they are the priority. Wherever you are, be ALL there. I am not saying it’s not ok to check in on your phone, but it’s a time-sucker: User Beware!

Play time at the park will be over before you know it.

The childhood of your children will be gone before you know it.

They won’t always want to come to the park with you, Mommy. They won’t always spin and twirl to make their new dress swish, they won’t always call out, “WATCH ME!”

There will come a point when they stop trying, stop calling your name, stop bothering to interrupt your phone time.

Because they know…

You’ve shown them, all these moments, that the phone is more important than they are. They see you looking at it at while waiting to pick up brother from school, during playtime, at the dinner table, at bedtime…..

I know that’s not true, Mommy.

I know your heart says differently.

But your kids can’t hear your words, Mommy. Your actions are screaming way too loudly.

May our eyes rest upon those we love, first and foremost, and may everything else fall away in the wonderful, noisy, sticky-fingered glory of it all."

I have several major issues with the kind of attitude that would make someone write this. 

1. My first thought, of course, is "stop watching my kids so closely, creep." Seriously, you were so busy watching this woman ignore her kids that you were probably ignoring yours, making you a hypocrite.

2. So you saw a mom on her phone for 45 minutes out of her day (all of which was likely spent with her kids). How do you know she hasn't been paying full attention to them for the rest of the day? You rather arrogantly assume that she spends ALL her time on her phone. She isn't allowed to take a break and unwind? Email a friend, do some shopping, read or watch a tv show while her kids are entertained elsewhere for a small part of the day? Yes, yes, of course taking a break means you don't care about your kids, right?

3. The fact that they are continually trying get their mother's attention means that she probably DOES answer them most of the time. She's probably already watched the little girl spin around in her dress 500 times today. She's probably already tickled the baby 100 times and played games with her little boy. So can the judgement and don't assume you know how someone parents her kids by watching for a few minutes at the park. You know what they say about assuming.

4. Looking at your iPhone is simply this generation's version of moms at the park chatting with other moms. When I was a kid, sometimes my mom ignored my screams to "look at me, look at me" so she could chat with her friends, or read a book, or (if we were at home) watch her favorite show. Guess what? I never thought my mom didn't love me or cared about those things more than me. I also learned that it's not all about me and that I don't get to be the center of attention all the time. It taught me that my mom is an individual, with her own interests, and that I was not her sole reason for existing. Those are important lessons for kids to learn, and I fully intend to teach them to mine. 

5. I also can't stand admonitions to enjoy the "noisy, sticky-fingered glory of it all." As a parent, I deal with noise and sticky fingers ALL DAY LONG. Taking a break from it when I get a chance doesn't make me a bad mother.

6. Lastly, I am of course annoyed that it's addressed only to a mom. Where are the obnoxious admonitions to dads to enjoy these glorious "sticky fingered" moments? Are moms the only ones who are obligated to sacrifice their entire sense of self to devote every second of every day to making their kids feel like extra special flowers?

My kids are still young enough that when we go to the park, I generally have to supervise so they don't get hurt (although at 3, Jack is getting pretty independent). But once they are old enough to get on the swing by themselves and climb without falling, then you better believe I will be sitting on the bench, chatting with people or playing on my phone. Because it's a GOOD thing for them to learn to entertain themselves and play with other kids without mommy being constantly involved.

In conclusion, I adore my kids. They are the light of my life. But I don't sugar-coat it, either, and I freely admit that I often need a break. So I want to know--what do you think? Am I overly sensitive to find this to be obnoxious and judgmental tripe? Do you agree? This will tell me if anyone is still reading my blog (since I basically never update it.) Next up, I'm posting pictures of my kids. Promise.